Things that I've done in my life: (1) attended five WNBA games (2) seen Madonna twice (3) went to watch my Uncle Russ in the '01 Gay Games.
#CRANK YANKERS CAR SMELLS LIKE BALLS TV#
OK, so the last one is mostly speculation, but is there anyone else out there that you'd be less shocked to discover that they were secretly centaurian (and shouldn't that be the name of some new reality TV show)? I've racked my brain, and I think Paul Shaffer is next in line, and he's not even close.
Between timeouts, he likes to snack on oats. He dresses like a character from that "Narnia" movie.ģ. perhaps to cover up his freakish horsey legs.Ģ. All of his TV appearances are from the waist up. You know, one of those half man/half horse things? It's crazy, I realize, but consider the following three things:ġ.
There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to come right out with it: I think TNT sideline reporter Craig Sager is a centaur. That's when you know there's a problem, when you're trapped in an ongoing state of pessimistic inadequacy and there's no way out. At the same time, couldn't there be a more harmless form of depression that's sports-related? When I was living in Boston in the late '90s and early '00s, we were absolutely battling sports depression before the Pats beat the Rams to win the Super Bowl - it was the tail end of a titleless 15-year stretch when everything had gone wrong (Bias and Lewis, Bird's back, Neely's hip, McHale's feet, Nomar's wrist, Clemens fleeing to Canada, Parcells going to the Jets, Pitino and Duncan, etc.), and after awhile, we started EXPECTING things to go wrong. Obviously Philly fans aren't legitimately depressed. But with that comment? Not only did I get zero complaints, some Philly fans even e-mailed just to say, "Right on, the sports scene is absolutely morbid right now, never seen anything like this before" and "I majored in psych in college and am becoming convinced that Philly sports fans are suffering from collective depression, all the signs are there."ĭepression is a serious illness and I would never make light of it. And normally, whenever I write something about a fan base that could be perceived as negative, the fans always fight back in droves and I'm guaranteed some hate mail (like with the LeBron thing last week).
#CRANK YANKERS CAR SMELLS LIKE BALLS PRO#
Hasn't this city suffered enough? In last week's NBA column I suggested that Philly ban pro sports for a calendar year for everyone's safety. SG: That's been the most underrated sports subplot of the summer - every horrified Philly fan dreading the news that Billy King gave away Iverson. where she proceeds to redecorate the interior of your car with bits of fish taco and the stench of tequila? The real question is, where? Do you dare hold out hope that she finds her way to a toilet? Or do you brace yourself for the inevitable ride home. You KNOW she is going to eventually blow chunks. Waiting for Billy King to pull the trigger on an Iverson trade is like watching your girlfriend drink too much at a party. Q: I am a long-suffering Philadelphia sports fan. As always, these are actual e-mails from actual readers. In the meantime, we're long overdue for a mailbag. Better late than never.Īnyway, I narrowed it down to three teams (don't worry, none of them is Manchester United) and will be making my official pick in next Wednesday's column. Obviously I'm not a huge soccer fan, but I'm a huge sports fan and it's becoming clearer and clearer that I missed the boat with the English Premier League and UEFA. I'll be buying the merchandise, TiVo-ing the games, traveling to see a couple home games, throwing myself into the team. And this isn't going to be a half-assed thing, either. If anything, I'm even more dedicated to making the leap now. Out of any challenge that I've ever thrown out to the readers, I can't remember getting a more passionate, entertaining and informative batch of e-mails. Thanks to everyone who e-mailed suggestions for my new English Premier League soccer team that I haven't picked yet.
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